You CAN Build Confidence

Posted by on Oct 23, 2013 in Self-Esteem

Break Down The Barriers To Good Self-Esteem

 
If you’re thinking about having hypnosis for confidence you might be feeling pretty down on yourself. Most of us judge ourselves far more harshly than we would anybody else. Lack of confidence is often caused by negative subconscious beliefs, which under the right conditions, can be dissolved. Your barriers to good self-esteem started in your mind and can be reversed in just the same way.

It’s not just you; the feeling of not being good enough is rampant in our culture and since your mind received over 65,000 messages per day, it’s hard not to be influenced by the media, consumerism and society.

It’s difficult to say where this fundamental feeling of not being good enough comes from. It is deeply conditioned from the moment we are born and why some suffer more than others is a mystery.  But it’s not the feelings themselves that are the problem; it is our belief in those feelings that causes the unnecessary suffering.

Some theorise that low self-esteem is a product of past experiences and relationships. This may be partly true, but there’s much more to it. I’ve seen clients who experienced terrible upbringings yet who, strangely enough, lead happy and fulfilled lives. I’ve also seen people who had great upbringings for whom the opposite is true. One size doesn’t necessarily fit all.

The good news is that even if we can’t pinpoint exactly what caused the emergence and domination of the inner critic, we CAN do something about it. It starts with recognising the feelings before we buy into the storyline. Here’s an example of how an initial thought or feeling can very quickly blossom into a large, looming story:

It starts with a thought: Maybe you look in the mirror and hate what you see. Almost immediately, the inner critic pipes up: ‘You’re fat. You’re ugly. You’re getting old’. As if you didn’t feel bad enough, now the story continues into a tirade of insults: ‘You’ll never be any good. You’re hopeless. You might as well give up now…’ and on it goes. That’s what I call the storyline.

Buddhist teacher Tara Brach refers to this phenomenon as ‘the trance of unworthiness’ in her book ‘Radical Self-Acceptance’. Of course, the initial feeling or thought is unpleasant. But what if we could recognise that feeling before we get swept up into the trance? This can be done with a bit of practice. If we can be mindful of that feeling when it arises, we have the power to avoid the vast damage that getting sucked into the storyline causes.

If we can practise recognising the inner critic when it comes up, by saying: ‘oh, there’s judgment’ or ‘there’s the inner critic again’, we are able to allow these feelings to arise and pass away without exacerbating them. Feelings of unworthiness are unavoidable – but the suffering we cause ourselves by believing the storyline is OPTIONAL. Think of these feelings as visitors; they come and go of their own accord. You can invite them in, observe them and watch them leave again.

The inner critic resides within all of us. But when we buy into or believe what it is telling us, it’s like getting lost in a dream that can quickly turn into a nightmare. The way to wake up from that dream is by having hypnosis for confidence together with mindfulness – through catching ourselves before we go into the trance.

If you would like to remove the barriers that stop you from feeling confident, get in touch with a hypnotherapist in Melbourne who can tailor the therapy to suit your needs.

You can awake from the trance of unworthiness by pausing, recognising and accepting the feelings. Just like everything in this world, they are impermanent.