Stop Being Depressed And Anxious By Saying ‘No’

Posted by on Oct 23, 2013 in Anxiety And Depression

We Live In A World Of People Pleasers.

There is a theory that ‘anxiety and depression are manifestations of unresolved anger, and observing my clients I’m inclined to agree.

In my opinion one of the main causes of unresolved anger is the need to please others. Have you ever met a person who has no enemies? Scratch below the surface and you will probably find a lot of pent-up frustration and anger.

Having no enemies can sometimes come at a cost, especially if you are continually forfeiting your own desires and needs just to keep other people happy.

Sure – it’s great to be popular. It certainly saves arguments. But when you’re a people pleaser you’re so used to looking after other people’s needs that you forget to take care of yourself; and sooner or later, that’s going to catch up with you.

If you’re a people pleaser your subconscious programming has fortified core belief systems based on self-sacrifice, martyrdom and obligation to service the needs of others at any cost.

I’m not talking about helping out every now and then. It’s okay to be a giving, caring person who looks after the needs of your nearest and dearest.

What I’m talking about goes far beyond that. People Pleasers are so attached to the good opinion of other people that they are terrified of saying no. When I talk to such clients, I will often ask them:’what do you think might happen if you said ‘no’ to people who ask too much of you sometimes?’

Below are some of the common responses:

  • People won’t like me;
  • If I don’t do it nobody else will;
  • I have to do it – it is my duty;
  • I should do favours for others (even when I don’t want to);
  • People will think I am self-centred and selfish

People Pleasers often apologize for no reason and won’t complain about anything, even when it’s warranted. The message that People Pleasers convey is ‘I don’t respect myself. I don’t matter. Your needs are more important than mine.’

Only this isn’t true.

And the subconscious knows it isn’t true; so it does its best to tap the People Pleaser on the shoulder and say: ‘Hey! This isn’t working for you!’ It does this by manifesting unpleasant feelings. A hypnotherapist can help you remove the barriers that stop you from being assertive and asking for what you need in life.

If you can see yourself in the words of this article, consider this: if every ounce of your energy goes into looking after other people and saying ‘yes’ when you really need to say ‘no’, then eventually something has to give.

And it is usually you who pays the price with your own sanity. In order to take care of others, you must first take care of yourself.
If you don’t, anxiety and depression will follow.